The fastest detour
A few days ago, I was reading a book about raising a child. “A child does not listen to what a parent says. How should a parent deal with?” That was the topic. For example, a child does not want to study. Theparent would scold at him, but probably it is not effective. Not only that, he would usually become rebellious. The parent scolds out of love. Yet, he does not understand. Many think it is a helpless situation.
The author of the book introduced an interesting thought. He argues “before making a child change, you should change yourself.” Most of the time, a childfeelsthat there is nothing wrong with himself. He thinks (although parents would disagree) he isstudying enough. Yet, he is scolded at for not studying enough. This would make him feel he is rejected, leading to losing motivation.
In such case, we should acknowledge children by saying “you are doing well,” and assuring that theywould do great. The author says it is an effective approach. Children would recognize that they are accepted (it might take some time), andwould try to respond to their parents’ expectations. They become eager to study hard. It is like a shortcut to a detour. In other words, instead of scolding at children, accepting them in what they do, and let them know that you trust them. It seems a detour, yet it will lead them to cooperate and be motivated.
This approach would apply not only to children, but many situations in our lives. Over 2000 years ago, Jesus said “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? … first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. (Matthew 7:3,5)”
There is a proverb saying “you cannot change others or your past, but you can change yourself and your future.” Surely we cannot change other people or things in the past. However, luckily we can try to change our behavior. If you could change yourself, your future could also be changed. That is such an encouraging message.
When things don’t go as you wish, don’t be discouraged. You can create a bright future, even starting from now.
